The Truth

People often say ‘knowledge is power’, but you never really get taught about the consequence of power or of knowledge. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to learn about it the hard way. We did. I regret a lot of things from back then.

You do, and think about, a lot of stupid things when you’re a kid. Then when you’re older you have a lot of regrets and wish you knew better. When I say “you”, of course I’m talking about myself. I regret a lot of things I did.

To a lot of people, I’m not much older than I was back then. But certain experiences change you, they force you to grow up fast. I just wish I could’ve… I wish we never found it.

July 2004

I whipped my head around to see how far back they were but I span too fast to process what I saw; it was a blur of greens and browns. With adrenaline rushing through our blood and our legs spinning faster than we thought possible, somehow they were keeping up the pace.

My calves throbbed and it became harder to breathe, but it was a dire situation so I kept pushing.

Kurt, Moses, and myself cycled with all our strength. It felt like life or death, but it was just a few teenagers chasing us on-foot. When you’re a kid and bullies a foot taller than you are almost keeping up with your bikes, it feels like the world’s closing in on you. 

Kurt looked back then powerslid to a stop. Moses, ahead of us two, heard the skid and stopped too. I pumped my brakes to a halt then we all dismounted our bikes.

We were in a thick swathe of trees, with the surrounding birdsong accenting our heavy panting as we leant over and wheezed.

I broke the respiring silence, “How were they...” I continued panting, “...so fast.”

Moses turned to Kurt and said, “Why’d you always… get us into this shit, man.”

Kurt replied as he caught his breath, “What? Don’t tell me you guys didn’t have fun.”

Moses said, “You should be more responsible, man.”

Kurt shot back, “I’m not your Dads...” They both went silent, I stared at the ground. I hadn’t seen my Dad since my second birthday. It was a sore spot for me back then.

Feeling a little tired and frustrated, we took to our idiotic tradition of throwing rocks at wildlife. Kurt spotted a squirrel resting on a high up branch and we took aim as we casually talked. 

Moses said, “Do you know how many people got invited to that party yesterday, bro?”

Kurt shot back, “Fuck that noise. Who cares?” He picked up a strangely spherical stone, and muttered, “Damn. This is heavy.”

Moses veered back, “But even Evelyn got invited and we didn’t.”

Kurt said, “Allow it man. Let’s not talk about it.” He threw the spherical stone at a tree and it tore off a chunk of bark.

We all looked surprised at how violent the affair was. 

Moses said, “Be careful, man.”

Kurt went to retrieve the stone and said, “If we see those Year 12 pussyholes again I’m gonna dash this rock at them.”

Moses kissed his teeth.

Kurt said, “This could do some damage you know.” He tossed the stone to me. It wasweirdly dense and heavy.

Moses replied, “You’re not doing shit, man. You weren’t even the fastest cycler.”

Kurt shot back, “I was protecting you lot. If they caught up I’d be like a sacrifice and shit. Like Lord of the Rings, you know.”

“Come on, man.”

“I’m your Aragorn.”

Moses laughed.

Kurt returned with a chuckle and added, “But I’m ready this time, you know.”

“Nah, man. You’re like, what’s his name... Johnny English.”

“No way, shut up.”

They both laughed. 

As much as I wince at their dialogue today, I was jealous of it back then. All three of us were good friends, but Kurt and Moses seemed to have a closeness and rapport that I never had.

It was at times like those when I felt kind of alone.

It wasn’t entirely based in logic, but I thought that growing up without a father figure didn’t just differentiate me from them, it felt like the reason I’d never be as close to them.

As they continued their back and forth, I threw the stone in the air and caught it over and over, letting my mind wander while my body carried out the mundane task.

I threw the rock into the air and thought, ‘I wish my mum got married again so I had a Dad...’

I caught it and thought, ‘It’s not fair.’

I threw it again and thought, ‘I wish Dad didn’t leave...’

The rock dropped into my palm and muttered to myself, “Why did he leave?”

Suddenly, my body froze against my will, and a sharp pain ran up my arm and into my skull. After a few moments I regained control of my body, dropped the stone, and slumped the floor screaming and holding my head. To this day, I’ve never experienced such a sudden intense pain. I wanted to die rather than endure the agony. The ordeal felt like a long, drawn-out process but it must’ve only been a few seconds. Moses and Kurt rushed to my side as the pain stopped just as quickly as it started.

Moses enquired, “What happened? Do you need a hospital?”

Kurt added, “Are you ok? What happened, man?”

I softly said, “Oh god.”

Kurt enquired again, “What is it? Are you alright?”

I replied, “I know why my Dad left...”

Kurt said, “What?”

“I know it. I feel it.”

“Why’re you talking like that?”

“You know when you just know something’s true, even if you don’t want it to be.”

“Not gonna lie, I don’t know what the fuck you’re on about. You ok though?”

“...yea”

Kurt extended a hand and hoisted me up. I shook my head. I was fine, aside from the information I’d acquired. To this day it’s hard to describe how I know it was the truth, but it’s just an absolute; the way I know red is red, or grass is green. I just… know.

Kurt poked, “So... why is it then?”

“Huh?”

“...Why did your Dad leave?”

I sighed then responded, “Because... he thought my mum was sleeping around, so he started doing it. But then he found out she didn’t.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“Yea.”

“But that’s some shit man. How do you know it’s actually true?”

“I don’t know how to describe it. It’s just... know.”

“You gonna ask your mum?”

“What? No way.”

Moses picked up the rock, “That was weird, man. What happened?”

Moses screamed and clutched his head.

I yelled, “Shit!”

Kurt scrambled to his aid and shouted, “What is it? What’s wrong? What the fuck is going on?!”

Just as suddenly as it started, the screaming stopped. Moses seemed eerily unfazed and turned to me. He dropped the stone and solemnly said, “Fuck.”

Kurt echoed, “Fuck? What happened man? Are you guys pranking me or some shit?”

Moses said, “I know.” Kurt and I looked at him, puzzled. He continued, “It’s the rock. If you hold it and ask questions it gives you the truth.”

I furrowed my brow in disbelief, but I experienced was so strange I couldn’t rule it out. 

Kurt emphatically replied, “Bull. Shit.” He picked up the stone and said, “Yea? Then I want to know who actually felt up Tanya Redding behind the gym.” Kurt tightened his fists and shouted as the veins in his forehead protruded to the surface. 

Moses and I did nothing. We knew it would pass almost immediately.

Kurt dropped the stone and his eyes widened. He began panting and exclaimed, “Jesus Christ!”

I added, “Yea, you just know.”

He replied, “Not that… it was Mr. Petrelli.”

“What?”

“With Tanya Redding… It was him.”

“The fuck?”

Kurt picked up the stone again and said, “How many girls has Mr. Petrelli touched?”

A moment passed, nothing happened.

I said, “Why isn’t it working?”

He replied, “I dunno. You try one.”

He tossed it to me. I looked down at it in my hands, and regarded it differently. This strangely powerful object. I took a second to think about what to ask.

Moses said, “Try it.”

I blurted out, “What are the lottery numbers?”

Again, nothing. 

I threw it to Moses. He asked, “Why is Mrs. Mancher addicted to drugs?”

No response.

Kurt gestured to Moses, who threw it to him. Kurt tucked the stone in his pocket and got on his bike. I enquired, “Where you going?”

He replied, “We need someone who ain’t used it before but can’t steal it.”

Moses got on his bike too and added, “Jace.”

I hopped on my bike too and we all rode to Kurt’s house to find his little brother.

We were all silent on our journey which stretched out the time. No doubt they were doing the same thing I was: thinking about all the questions I’d like to ask, all the things I needed to know about, all that knowledge up for grabs.

We dumped our bikes outside Kurt’s flat. He said, “My Mum and Dad are home. Lemme bring…”

Moses interrupted, “Let me try again, man… while you go up.”

Kurt hesitated for a second, then threw the stone to him and ran into the building.

Moses said, “I wish I knew how much money the Queen has.”

Nothing.

He tried again, “Will I be a footballer when I grow up?”

Nothing.

“How many meters in a acre?”

Nothing again.

I went to grab the stone to have a turn. Kurt recoiled and said, “What, man?”

“Let me try. I went first so maybe it’s, like, tied to me or something.”

“That don’t make sense, bro.”

“Just let me try again.”

“In a minute.”

“Don’t be a dick man, you tried like ten times.”

“No I didn’t, bro.”

“Stop being a dickhead. Just let me try and I’ll give it back after.” I grabbed for it and Moses pushed me. I pushed back and he fell on his arse. I got on top of him and wrestled the stone out of his hand. I whispered, “Will I find a best friend?”

I whispered, “Does my Dad love me?”

Nothing.

Moses tried to take the stone back, when Kurt came out with his five-year-old brother. We looked over at them and stopped bickering. He gestured towards me and I waited for a moment before throwing the stone to him.

Moses said, “Wait. What should he ask?”

Kurt turned to Jace and said, “This is important, yea.”

Jace looked up at Kurt with the admiration in his eyes he’d always had, and nodded.

Kurt continued, “Hold this rock and say out loud, ‘Who did Mr. Petrelli touch?’ You get it?”

Jace smiled and nodded.

Moses and I opened our mouths but caught each other’s eyes and decided not to interrupt. I kept thinking about if the stone had limited uses, or only certain people could use it. I selfishly thought; why waste a question on Tanya Redding, she didn’t even like us.

Kurt handed Jace the stone. 

Jace said, “Why…”

Kurt quickly corrected him, “Who. It’s ‘Who did Mr. Petrelli touch?’ yea.”

Jace repeated, “Who did Mr Pee-trel-ee touch?”

He dropped the stone and grabbed his head. Moses said, “It’s just going to hurt for a little bit.”

Jace fell to his knees and screamed at an octave I didn’t think he could make. All three of us took a step back and stuck our fingers into our ears.

Jace’s suddenly turned bloodshot and his scream continued echoing off the surrounding buildings. It felt like an eternity before his body went completely limp and a slow droplet of thick burgundy blood dribbled out of each nostril. The colour seemed to drain from his skin so quickly.

Kurt ran to his brother, accompanied by Moses. 

Time seemed to slow to a crawl and I panicked. The thing I now regret most is panicking. I turned and ran away, leaving them behind.

When the police questioned me a few days later, I denied everything.

I never spoke to Kurt or Moses again. We mostly avoided each other at school, and whenever we did cross paths they’d sneer or spit at me. Then when the stories of my cowardice spread, school became even harder.

The worse part of it all is, for years afterwards I regretted not going back, not for Kurt but for that stone, even though it didn’t seem to work on me any longer, even after it killed Jace.

The thing I regret most is panicking and leaving them behind. I regret the envy I felt for their bond... And a small part of me still does regret leaving the stone behind. I still don’t know what happened to it which is probably a good thing, because if I knew where it was today, I’m worried about what I might do to get it back.